Heading to Melbourne for the opening round of the 2007 Formula One World Chamnpionship?

Paul Fauth gives you the insider's guide to the city, not to mention advice on what you need to remember when you use the toilets...

Melbourne's Albert Park is normally the domain of dog walkers, joggers, swimmers (The Aquatic Centre is in the Park), politically correct folk and of course the SAPs (Save Albert Park).

The latter are an incredibly dedicated bunch who have opposed the GP since it came to town in 1996 (when Damon Hill won from Jacques Villeneuve!!). They set up camp and stay there all year. Earnestly they meet in the South Melbourne Library but no one seems to notice!

So for 48 weeks of the year Albert Park resonates to the splashing of swimmers, the panting of joggers, the patter of paws and the slap of sails in Albert Park Lake.

This year the FINA World Championship of Swimmers is being conducted in an artificial pool in the Rod Laver Tennis Arena as it clashes with the GP. Melbourne is in the grip of a fierce drought.

However in 2007 many factors have changed.

The same 3500 kilometres of cable will be laid.

The same 125 kilometres of barriers will be laid ( I am still searching for barrier 1608A that Schumacher smacked last year).

The same seating, hospitality, Paddock Club, beverage and food outlets are being prepared, but something is missing.

The Grand Prix last year lost AUD$21,000,000.

This year the V8 supercars (or taxi cab racing as almost all of the cabs in Australia are General Motors Holdens or Ford Falcons) are missing.

So it is estimated that the GP will lose AUD$26 million this year.

The taxi cabs have been replaced by the "Utes" Holdens and Falcons which SLIDE and SPIN and are driven by people who are not superstars.

Anyway back to what it takes to build a circuit.

About 5 weeks before the GP signs of life appear in the form of contractors in orange vests marking out positions.

Then Clarendon Street South Melbourne, the main access to Albert Park rumbles to the sound of articulated scarring barriers and all the accoutrement of a Grand prix. Except this year the South Melbourne Coles (a down market Tescos) is being redeveloped on Clarendon Street.

Clanging along Clarendon Street, which is so often ignored by the GP crowd is the 112 tram negotiating huge articulated vehicles, building sites and a politically correct council which insists that right turns should be made from the left lane…