We of The Alternative Championship Headquarters (ACHQ) wish to extend a hearty thanks and cheery, personal, heartfelt salutation to our readers. Yes, that's right, reader plus an s as in the plural form. In our last column we inferred that, to the best of our knowledge, we enjoyed a readership of one.

Thanks to magnificent pitpass forum and, we repeat AND, an e-mail, we are now aware that we are indeed read by no less than three rugged, free-thinking individualists. You know who you are and don't worry, just in case our numbers swell to a heady four, we won't 'out' you by naming you….yet.

But anyway, there was a race recently wasn't there? Not half a bad one either for that matter. Not exactly a classic in global terms but, well, in light of recent years, a pretty entertaining event.

And in light of our recent upsurge in readership, we feel that our own television talk show isn't far around the corner. So we've started practicing.

Drivers

10 Points - Kimi Raikkonen:

Rob: Top score to Kimi? You are aware that this is the third time in three races that this poor boy has failed to finish?
Crompo: Yeah, I know he's Finnish.
Rob: You're not paying attention are you?
Crompo: Huh? Look, Thomas is getting in trouble with the Fat Controller.
Rob: Right, that's it I'm turning the television off.
Crompo: Now I'll never know how it turns out!
Rob: Ugh, let me try another tack. Kimi hasn't finished a race so far this year and he was out of the Bahrain race quite early. In spite of this, you've given him the top score. Why?
Crompo: Oh, that's easy. Restraint.
Rob: What?
Crompo: Well, think about his little nastiness towards the Marshal in the last race. His form is a matter of record.
Rob: So?
Crompo: So, did you see the camera shot of the Marshal on the scooter riding towards Kimi after he retired?
Rob: Yes, and?
Crompo: Well, did you see Kimi raise his arm just as the marshal was arriving?
Rob: Yes, and?
Crompo: Well, I figured it was odds-on that he was going to coat-hanger the guy and steal the scooter. But he didn't, he just really politely flagged the guy down to get a lift back to the pits.
Rob: Coat-hanger?
Crompo: Yeah, you know. Stick your arm out at neck level as somebody passes on a vehicle and take their mount out from under them. I do it all the time to skate-boarders.
Rob: You would.