10/01/2005
NEWS STORY
It's unlikely that readers outside the UK will have heard of the superb BBC comedy Little Britain, in which case this will mean nothing to them:
It's half-past Melbourne, and with minutes to go before the first race of the season, Mr Excellent and Mr No-Tie have yet to decide on a sensible qualifying format, hence the grid for the race is undecided..
Meanwhile, in a sleepy Austrian hamlet, in their palatial new home 'Dunwinnin', Cora Schumacher is looking at a wall-chart depicting the various teams that will contest the 2005 Formula One World Championship. Ralf looks silently out of the window, deep in thought.
Cora: So Ralf, what team do you want to drive for in 2005?
Ralf: "That one," he says pointing to the wall-chart, without lifting his gaze.
Cora: "Toyota?" she responds, "you want to drive for Toyota?"
Ralf: "Yeh!"
Cora: "But you always said that Toyota was useless, too much money and no idea of what it was getting into when it came in to F1"
Ralf: "Yeh, I know"
Cora: "You always said that it appeared to be the most disloyal of teams, sacking all and sundry rather than facing up to the truth.
Ralf: "Yeh I know"
Cora: "And you want to leave WilliamsF1, a team that has won nine constructors' championship and seven drivers' championships. A team that has won 113 Grand Prix, and seen you to all six of your wins?"
Ralf: "Yeh"
Cora: "Well I must say, I'm shocked. I thought you liked that nice Mr Williams, even though Mr Head told you off at times. And now that Ronald McMonty is off to McLaren, I thought you'd be delighted to stay."
Ralf: "I want to drive for Toyota."
Cora: Well, alright, as long as you're sure that you want to take an enormous pay-check and join a team that, despite its budget, has never finished higher than eight in the championship...
Ralf: Yeh
Ralf takes the drive with Toyota, but after just a couple of outings, demands "I want to drive for WilliamsF1".