Supporting the Stats

A 3.36 mile (5.4 km) undulating circuit, 57 laps and high temperatures are the obvious Bahrain features. But for something more enlightening about the country itself the ever obliging Wikipedia has just marked my card.

Firstly Bahrain has a few quid, it also has a few people. 1.2 million to be precise, however more than half of that number are non-nationals.

The country has a chequered history and, resultantly, a 2008 survey showed there were just 37 Jews living on the island country. To balance the books Bahrain's King appealed to former Bahraini Jews abroad in the US and UK to return to their motherland offering them compensation and citizenship.

Bizarrely the Bahraini weekend is Friday & Saturday and not Saturday and Sunday. Those two days off give you a chance to play football - which is the most popular sport in the country - and find a mate.

If you do go on a date best make it a dinner date as a BK whopping 28.9 percent of Bahraini men are officially obese as are an unattractive 38.2 percent of women.

However life expectancy still runs at a respectable 73 years for men and 76 for women. I'm unsure if that's in any way related to the country's good roads and shopping malls or another fact which may make Bahrain's 295 sq miles attractive to Europeans: In 2007 Bahrain became the first Arab country to offer unemployment benefits.

Suddenly I'm not trying to identify a race winner but to pinpoint Bahrain's perfect immigrant and in early exchanges Kirstie Alley - who has not worked in years - opened as odds-on favourite. She appeared to be the ideal candidate for immigration ticking all the right boxes.

However it transpires she is not Jewish. Kirstie Alley was actually raised a Methodist and now follows Scientology. Additionally she claims to be Irish and is back on a diet. Citizenship? Jules Bianchi has a better chance of setting the fastest lap in this weekend's race en-route to winning the Drivers' Championship methinks.

Anne Widdecombe has been a springer in the market but while, as a politician she has never worked, apparently she doesn't play football and the South Korean's are currently trying to recruit her as their deterrent from North Korean invasion.

I'll stick with betting on F1 for now …and the forthcoming Eurovision Song Contest in which Norway's entry is an each-way gift at 7/1 incidentally.

Compromise
Now there are a few things during my life which I have always known were not for me: Homosexuality, voting Lib-Dem, joining a cult, taking a package holiday and backing Sebastian Vettel.