Move Over Darling

Whilst, for the most part, people thought it was terrible news that F1 would be broadcast on SKY, the prospect of their news coverage featuring Mark Webber and Sebastian Vettel's voicemails resulted in my lips being licked until they were sore and blistered like a set of Supersoft's that had done 30 laps.

Alas Rupert Murdoch's News Corporation is now as transparent as a pair of rose-tinted glasses and so a boogerdamus hack such as myself has to make his own mischief.

All this Webber/Vettel controversy must be music to Mr Ecclescake's little ears. As the sayings go: All news is good news and there is no such thing as bad publicity.

It's nothing new. Damon Hill made the call to Eddie Jordan suggesting Schumacher 'the slower' should remain behind him at Spa back in 1998. Coulthard took it on himself to forfeit a race winning lead awarding it to Mika Hakkinen on Melbourne's straight also in '98. I've forgotten the year, or number of years, Barrichello did the same for Schumacher 'the faster'.

Only a blind man without a stick would seriously suggest we didn't see such selfless valour in the 2011 Brazilian Grand Prix. I maintain that was an example of Vettel playing the Red Bull team game, even if the official line for him comfortably leading, losing the lead on-track to Mark Webber on lap 31, but maintaining a very safe second place for another 41 laps was gearbox trouble related.

That was Webber's only win of the 2011 campaign while Vettel had already amassed eleven race wins. Any interpretation of the pair's results as teammates, before and after, shows there is a gross difference in class which is plenty enough to intimidate anyone.

Mirthlessly and methodically Webber recalls his British and Monaco GP victories of 2012 but, anomalies apart, in the current climate there is no significant quantifiable economical value in paying a pilot who is not prepared to accept his mantle as 'second driver'.

If Webber needs his teammate to be ordered to underperform to claim race wins it's clearly time to swallow his pride and get on with life in the same way Felipe Massa does at Ferrari …or simply call time on an extraordinarily long career.

Teammates? It's Fluid

Since 1939 no Austrian/German link-up has been as successful as the Vettel/Red Bull alliance and so they will not be parting company any time soon.

Meanwhile the bookmaker's offering of 11/8 that Webber is still driving for Red Bull in 2014 means they believe there is only a 42 percent chance that they will keep him on for another season of turmoil and disappointing results. 11/8? That's the kind of price I'd want about Vettel arriving at the Shanghai circuit without a black eye!