When Pitpass first reported plans for yet another reality TV show, this time based around motorsport, it concluded with the suggestion that perhaps the programme would be "another good reason to head down the pub".

Having subjected ourselves to just under fifteen minutes of The Race (Sky One), we can only say that we got it bang on the nail. Indeed this is the sort of stuff to inspire movies… The Days of Wine and Roses, Lost Weekend.

We have all grown used to the misuse - not to mention downright overuse - of the word celebrity, and therefore we shouldn't have been too surprised to see a number of 'celebrities' we'd never heard of. And those we had heard of were, for the most part, from the very distant past.

The programme is 'hosted' by Denise Van Outen, an Essex (Chingford) ladette, and former squeeze of Gary Glitter, who seems intent on becoming the new Kenneth Williams or Sid James, such is her clumsy innuendo, constantly referring to "whoppers", "girls on top" and "ride of a lifetime".

The 'celebrities', who include Bernie Ecclestone's daughter, Tamara, look suitably embarrassed, and one can only hope that once this appalling mess is off our screens - if not sooner - they will be having words with their agents. Even Andy Millman (Ricky Gervais) agent in Extras, never put his client in dross such as this.

Should Tamara desire a serious career in TV, it might be best to get Dad to buy her very own a TV station - how about ITV, then, by sorting out its F1 coverage, he could kill several birds with one stone - rather than waste time on similar projects.

Indeed, if there wasn't already (yet) another crap 'celebrity' based TV programme – about to hit British TV screens once again, we might be hearing, over the roar of the engines, the cry; "I'm a celebrity... get me out of here!"

Saving the best for last, we have David Coulthard and Eddie Irvine, the 'captains' of the two teams - which in true Sky fashion are divided into boys and girls.

Both look to be regretting they ever said yes to such a deal, and who can blame them.

Irvine, who for reasons known only to himself, sports a baseball cap throughout, looks as though he's just finished a twelve hour stint outside Tottenham Court Road station, where he spent the entire day uttering the words "big" and issue". Coulthard, a fiercely patriotic Scot, despite residing in Monaco, will, in the years ahead, no doubt hear the sound of one of his countrymen spinning in his grave, namely John Logie Baird.

This was car crash TV, in the sense that you do your best not to look, but find it impossible to avert your gaze, such is the horror.

Then, when you think it has got as bad as it can, Denise scolds one of the girls for sucking up to the boys, and pulling too hard on his gear lever.

Ooh err... miss it!