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FEATURE BY MIKE LAWRENCE
05/04/2008

There has been much written about Max Mosley and his little ways. It is no surprise to me that a member of the English Upper Crust likes dominatrixes, they are raised by nannies and sent off to boarding schools. When the House of Lords was inhabited mainly by inheritors of titles, the restaurants were light on haute cuisine and heavy on school meals, more spotted dick with custard than foie gras with a drizzle of truffle oil.

The French have long called a penchant for domineering women, 'the English Vice', which I think is a bit rich coming from a country that bred the Marquis de Sade.

The UK media has had a field day. In 1831 Lord Macauley wrote, 'We know no spectacle so ridiculous as the British public in on of its periodical fits of moral outrage.' He was referring to Lord Byron, a naughty boy if ever there was one, but one who enriched the world.

To judge from comments on the Pitpass fora, some readers may not have grasped nature of the The News of the World. George Orwell pointed out that many a child in Britain owed their conception to father reading something about naughty goings-on; it has long been known as News of the Screws. In the days when families were large and houses were small, church Sunday Schools were popular, not because parents were religious, but because Sunday Schools got the kids out of the house.

We all have our sexual fantasies and varying levels of libido and opportunity. Masturbation has some very good points, you don't have to dress and do small talk, and you can meet a very good class of woman.

I bought last Sunday's Screws because of the headline. It is far from the only time I have seen someone from motor racing on the front page. Once, I arrived at a circuit and the photocopier in the Press Office was at full song to make sure everyone got the story.

Only yesterday I remarked to a former Grand Prix winner that if everyone in the sport who has been to a hooker had to step down, there would be some very thin grids.

There was an occasion when I was talking to a team manager, who had just returned from a trip abroad, when the team owner popped his head around the door and asked how a driver had been performing. He was not asking about race results, which he knew. The team manager assured his boss that their guy could have shagged for his country. The team owner smiled and said, 'That's what I like to hear about my drivers.'

Way back, at a Brazilian GP, a junior mechanic at McLaren celebrated his birthday and the rest of the guys realised he was a virgin. They clubbed together and hired the best that money could buy. The lad was inducted and James Hunt was in the next room. Eventually, the lad fell asleep and James made his move. Next morning, over breakfast, James told him, 'I'm afraid I played with your present.'

The Screws had the headline: Formula One Boss In Nazi Sex Orgy. There is nothing like a little schadenfreude to brighten one's day, but I was misled by the narrative. On reflection, I realised that there was nothing specifically Nazi in the story. Leather, big boots, and whips were staples of the S&M scene long before the Nazi rise to power. The Nazis adopted some of these images and you have to admit that they did uniforms pretty well: ghastly little people could feel special.

Nazis borrowed from the bondage scene, it was not the other way round.

In the media, the apartment where Max's private session took place has become a 'dungeon'. The original article says it was in a £2 million riverside apartment in Chelsea, convenient for the House of Lords, I'd say. The photographs do not show a dungeon, you'd expect chains on the walls at the very least.

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