Readers of Pitpass are a canny bunch and some had mailed me with their suspicions before the phone rang on Monday afternoon. At the other end of the line was Turk Thrust, permatanned genius behind FOSU (Formula One Script Unit.) Turk had just landed at Gatwick Airport and would I like to crack a lobster at his hotel He said no more, but the way he said nothing left no room for doubt. Turk Thrust was back on the job, we were again in safe hands.

We met in the bar and Turk came straight to the point. "Great race, Indianapolis, do you realise it is only the second race in the entire history of the World Championship where every car that started also finished. No moaning,, no excuses, like had Kimi's suspension held together three more minutes he would have won at the Nürburgring. Ferrari back in contention. If it goes down to the line and Michael takes the title, boy will there be talk."

"Turk," I said, "do I detect your hand in this?"

"I've been working away since March. They finally woke up to the fact they needed Ole Turk, the guy who delivered all those down to the wire Championships of distant memory."

"Indianapolis was a disaster," I said, "a farce,"

Turk said, "Indianapolis was five words beginning with "M", Manufacturers, Muttonheads, Money , Mosley, and Michelin and five Ms spell, Mmmmm and, to me, 'Mmmmm' means I like it."

My buddy warmed to his theme. "I see Hugh Grant taking the Mosley role, Gary Oldman as Bernie, but we have to erase Ron Dennis to make way for Scarlett Johansson. You have a problem with that? Frank Williams? We are going to have to ditch the wheelchair and make him blind instead. Wheelchairs do not play well come the Oscars, but blindness is a shoo in. Okay, Frank is blind, deaf and dumb, like Helen Keller in the movie that won Anne Bancroft her Oscar, and Frank's played by Ed Harris. I knew you'd inspire me."

I said, "Flavio Briatore," but I knew I had already lost. Turk looked at me like I was a simpleton. Turk said, "Are you the only person on the planet who does not know that Flav is CGI? Flav is geek satire, like Max Headroom was a few years back. Flav does not actually exist, any more than Bugs Bunny exists. It used to be said that if Flav did not exist, he'd have to be invented so that's what happened. We're talking to Eddie Murphy to do the voice."

Turk said, "What is the biggest story in Formula One?" I said it must be Indianapolis, Turk said, "Stay with me, Mike, don't become irrelevant. The biggest story in Formula One is who owns it and it is the story nobody has followed.

"Back in March, in a High Court in London, England, a consortium of banks won control of SLEC, which is the mother ship from which FOA, FOM and and FOCA all fly on their different missions. How they are precisely linked and interact is known to very few.

"I know, but if I told you, I'd have to kill you. Hey, we're old friends, it would be quick and painless in your case. And I"d send flowers.

"When the banks won their case, it was expected that they'd sell their shares to the manufacturers who want the GPWC. There are seven of those and seven teams failed to make the start at Indianapolis, see a connection? All seven teams are connected to Michelin, which is French. Does the phrase 'cheese eating surrender monkeys' mean nothing to you?